Because I had a baby and you want to see pictures

Ready to pop

And then he was here. 5 hours unmedicated labor and a water birth later...

And he grew and grew...

I Need This!

I will not turn this down, if anyone wants to buy it for me...

Lunch.

My baby and I sit down for lunch. We are at a busy outside mall, sitting at a bench. I pull out my ridiculously unhealthy chicken sammich and fries, throw back a couple prenatals, wash em down with lemonade, and prepare her lunch. I reach inside and pull the tab on her lunch container. It's open and she knows it is. Excitement!! There's a prize! I gather her close to me and she gets the prize. Na Na! As my little princess finds the nipple and latches on, I find my sandwich and take a bite. We both enjoy our lunches.

There's a couple next to me on the right who eat their lunch and never notice anything out of the ordinary.

There's a woman on the left with her crying baby who can't manage to feed a bottle of (milk..formula..?) while she eats her own food. I see frustration.

The folks behind me notice, then notice again, then are uncomfortably staring at me. Oh well. They eventually leave. My chick and I eat in comfort.

My girl finishes and sits up. My breast was exposed for almost three seconds!! She sits on my lap happily while I finish my [unhealthy] fast food. Then I pop her into the sling and we are off again.

I love shopping trips.

I'm ON A ROLL!!!

Breastfeeding is the normal way to feed a human baby. Anything else is sub-par. Why is it important that facebook stop censoring pictures of babies eating??? Check out this post from Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths. I think it sums things up quite nicely...

I Made a Meme

"But it strikes me as ironic that many members of the public fret about British Muslims donning the hijab, yet happily condone the veiling of nursing mothers.” ~ Rowan Pelling, Daily Telegraph 2008

Caution: Boobie Pics

I'm too lazy to blog today.

Instead, here's a ridiculous amount of pictures of Roo nursing.

Enjoy.

Aren't I a shameless hussy?

"Parenthood" has Ticked Me OFF

I'm addicted to the show Parenthood on NBC. I know a lot of parents who are. Seriously, Bonnie Bedelia makes the whole show for me. I totally want to be her when I'm 60.

The show has been kind of mild as far as offensive content... I mean, considering how touchy I am about certain subjects. You know who usually grates my nerves, though? Kristina, played by Monica Potter. I understand that it's her character. I get that. I don't, like, dislike Monica as a person. The writers, on the other hand, have finally royally pissed me off.

Maybe it's because Kristina is the one I associate with the most. Thirties, three kids, just had a baby... About that baby... Kristina is usually a mess about everything and that irks me. Her pregnancy was remarkably fast and not completely unrealistic, but inasmuch as the rest of the show is not overly exaggerated, I fail to understand why her pregnancy had to be. Still, that's not what got me steaming.

The childbirth was more or less ridiculous, but what was to be expected from a network tv show? On her back, screaming her head off, stupid nurses milling about. Whatever. But still, I took it with a grain of salt.

I've been catching up on DVRed episodes, so I watched several in a row. I just watched the one titled "In Between." The one where Kristina spends her first night away from the baby (who grew reeeeally fast, btw). Since the "birth," the writers haven't made it clear whether Kristina is breastfeeding or not. Which, actually, I kind of respected; that way no one gets offended, as we all know moms are very prone to do. Very. Until this episode.

I was slightly annoyed when Kristina was trying on dresses and was complaining about her "huge boobs" from breastfeeding. Poor thing. I have news. My boobs are bigger than that when I'm not breastfeeding. It's a pain. I deal. She then goes on to whine that if she has "anything to drink" she'll have to pump and dump. I hardly think that's accurate. If she went out and got smashed and came home reeling, yes. But heading out to a cocktail party and having a few cocktails or glasses of champagne is fine, as long as you aren't falling down drunk when you are pumping or nursing. Seriously, I go by the rule that if I'm sober, so is my milk. It was subtle, but pregnant women watching that scene can be easily swayed in their decision to breastfeed. And the thought of never being able to enjoy a night out without the prospect of coming home to sit down with a cold plastic pump for 20 or 30 minutes kind of really sucks.

Still, I was only mildly irritated by the allusion to inconvenience. What really got me pissy (like it's really that hard) was the scene when she was at the party. Standing there looking gorgeous in a red dress, feeling uncomfortable ( I must give Monica Potter credit, when her character feels uncomfortable, so do I), because she's there next to sexy 21 year olds in miniskirts, and she starts........ LEAKING. Gasp!!! Yep. The party is ruined because she was mortified with a huge boob juice stain on the front of that red dress. She had to leave the party. No joke.

So if any pregnant mothers were watching this show, they may be impressed by the fact that a character was breastfeeding. Hell, I was. But they are more likely to be impressed upon by the downfalls presented. Yes, sometimes leaks happen. They can happen at the worst times. But seriously? This was simply the worst thing that could have ever happened to Kristina at that moment. And it pissed me off. The first time they make reference to breastfeeding and it was in three negative ways. They didn't show any bonding and snuggling. No health benefits or mention of reduced risk of SIDS. Nope. Leaks that ruin dates. THAT'S what they portrayed.

Thanks, NBC.

We Wouldn't be Alive

So. The Roo has been having a nurseathon. This kid ate for - I shit you not - EIGHTEEN hours yesterday. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time on the couch playing human pacifier. And I ended up watching "I Shouldn't be Alive" on Animal Planet. Have y'all seen this show? I ought to be banned from watching those kinds of shows...

Anyway! In this particular episode, a family of four - a mother, her two girls (9 & 5), and the mother's boyfriend went for a picnic in the Arizona desert. On their way home, they get turned around and end up at a dry river bed. The mom is all, "We're turning around." And her boyfriend is all, "Hell no! I can get us through this!"

Insert eye roll here

Needless to say, the dude gets the truck stuck in the river bed and the family is stranded in the desert with two Gatorade bottles of water. They do escape (if they didn't, they'd have to change the name of the show.), but only after three days of severe dehydration, a major ass-chewing and several harrowing experiences, including the near-death of the five-year-old. Yeah, I cried like a sap.

But it got me to thinking - what would it be like to be stranded in the desert with my family???

First of all, I have no idea why my family would ever be in the Arizona desert alone. Just not gonna happen. Only time I've ever been really bumfuzzled lost was in a corn maze. I escaped. But in the interest of fantasy and entertainment, we'll pretend that it could happen.

So my family of five is lost in the desert, near the Mexican border, fearing drug smugglers and human traffickers, with no food and only two bottles of water, and all three kids would have to listen to me threaten to hang Wes' man-parts from my wrist for getting us into the mess. Well, there are no rooms to send 'em to...

Looks hot.

If y'all had ever met my family, the mental picture alone is enough to be humorous, but for those of you who are unfamiliar, I'll paint it for you.

My second-grader talks non-stop. I asked her to not speak for five minutes one time. I thought her head was going to explode. I imagine a trek down a dusty dirt road in arid 118 degree temperatures would go something like this:


"I'm thirsty.
Can I have more water?
Why not?
But I'm thirsty.
And I'm hot.
Really hot.
I'm getting tan.
I'm tired.
My feet hurt.
My legs hurt.
Will you carry me?
Can Daddy carry me?
Make Daddy carry me.
NO ONE EVER CARRIES ME.
I'm sweaty.
Monkey got more water than me.
Can I ride on your back?
Can I ride on Daddy's shoulders?
I'm thirsty.
HE THREW SAND AT MY HEAD!
Are you mad at Daddy....?"

At this point I would probably flip out and threaten to eat her for sustenance. My kids are chubby. I now understand why people eat suckling pig....

And of course, while Bear gets brown as a biscuit in the sun, Wes and Monkey burst into flames. Both have bright orange hair and skin the color of chalk. It would take approximately five minutes for them to both be so burnt that they couldn't move. I would have to construct a sleigh of some sort with my MacGyver skills and then pull them along. Of course, Bear would be jealous and have to ride, too. That means I would have to have Roo in the baby wrap. No, not a flour tortilla. Wearing a baby in Kentucky temps is bad enough; I can only imagine Arizona...

The only thing I have over the other poor bastards is that we would NOT run out of liquid hydration. The mother and two girls on the show drank their own pee. It was that bad. However, making milk is my superpower. And as long as I got some to drink, as well, I wouldn't get so dehydrated and we'd be sitting pretty. Well, not so pretty. I'd turn into one giant freckle. That's not an appealing thought. My entire family nursing from a walking talking freckle. Okay, now that's funny.

I don't think we'd make it out of that desert, though. I'd like to point out that I am a raging bitch when I'm hot. Okay. In fact, I just might welcome the smugglers and traffickers by day 3... Wow, that's horrible.

Seriously, though, folks, I love my family.... and that is exactly why we will NEVER picnic in the desert.

Aaaaaand there you have it.